Sickeningly Sweet
by AlmightyLordPhlebotium
Summary: Danny and Christy were on a romantic date when a bunch of ghouls attacked them in Cheddar Village. What a bummer! Now they are working for Sir Integra Wingates Fairbrook Hellsing. Can Integra handle the romance and the cuteness before she goes mad?


[Warning! This fanfiction is badly written. Especially the part about Christy being a werewolf.]

"Hurry up, Christy!" A red-haired boy said as he pulled a brunette girl behind him.

Danny and Christy's romantic date was rudely interrupted. By a bunch of hungry zombies. One of the zombies was a fat walrus of a man with a mustache who ran with unusual speed for his size; the other one was a thin blonde woman, and a fat boy with thin hair. The walrus man groaned something about "the boy", freakishness and cupboards.

"Ah!" Christy yelped "My ankle!"

She started crying "Oh no. We're gonna die because of me!"

"No we won't." Danny picked up Christy piggyback style. "Look at me, I'm Edward Cullen."

"No! I am not Bella Swan! I'm way too smart!" Christy giggled through her tears.

Meanwhile, a police girl carried a first aid kit for her comrade. "Hold on, Jack. Everything will get better."

"Seras…"

Suddenly, Jack's skin turned grey and decayed in seconds. Seras tried to pistol whip him, before shooting him. The corpse continued to shamble after her.

Danny and Christy came upon the police camp. Danny shushed Christy as they watched the police officers get up from the ground, their skin turning pale grey in seconds. There was no way to mistake the thing for a human now.

"Oi, what are you two civilians doing?" Seras said as she returned to find the filled with zombies and two civilian teenagers.

"Never mind that. Run!" Danny said. Seras shot one ghoul in the stomach, with no effect and followed Danny and Christy.

When the three of them put some distance between them, Danny and Seras were panting-Danny extra because he wasn't a trained cop and carried Christy on his back.

"How's your ankle, my love?" he asked.

"It doesn't hurt as much." Christy tentatively stepped on her injured foot.

"Sorry. The first aid kit is back there with those things that attacked us." Seras said.

Suddenly, they saw a zombie in a pink skirt limping towards them. Seras pointed her gun at the creature. Suddenly they heard singing.

Well, it's a marvelous night for a moondance  
With the stars up above in your eyes  
A fantabulous night to make romance  
'Neath the cover of October skies

And all the leaves on the trees are falling  
To the sound of the breezes that blow  
And I'm trying to please to the calling  
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low

And all the night's magic seems to whisper and hush  
And all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush

Can I just have one a' more moondance with you, my love  
Can I just make some more romance with a-you, my love

Well I want to make love to you tonight  
I can't wait till the morning has come  
And I know now the time is just right  
And straight into my arms you will run

And when you come my heart will be waiting  
To make sure you're never alone  
There and then all my dreams will come true, dear  
There and then I will make you my own

And every time I touch you, you just tremble inside  
And I know how much you want me that you can't hide

Can I just have one a' more moondance with you, my love  
Can I just make some more romance with a-you, my love

Even the ghoul stood in slack-jawed surprise at this Van Morrison impersonator's singing until the man in red came to them. Then he jabbed his arm through the zombie woman's stomach, causing her to turn to ashes.

The four of them stood for almost a minute just staring at this strange man that looks like Adrien Brody. Finally he spoke.

"A beautiful night, Police Girl and Demon Boy."

"Hey, what about me?" Christy demanded "Don't I get a nickname too?"

"You too, Wolf Girl. Strange that you haven't transformed since it's full moon. It's especially beautiful if you're a vampire like me!"

Suddenly two rainbow blasts hit the vampire in the back, causing him to turn into a dark shadow and disappear into the ground with a scream.

Danny, Seras and Christy saw what looks like two bears. One had a tummy symbol that looked like a heart colored like a British flag, and the other's tummy symbol looked like a heart with a red cross and a rod of Asclepius over a heart.

"Christy! Dark Heart-I mean, Danny!" the two exclaimed and went to hug them.

"The Care Bears!" the two young lovers said.

"But do we know you?" Danny asked in confusion.

"Don't you recognize us?" the British Bear said, "We're Baby Hugs and Tugs. Only now that we're older, I'm Tea Time Bear,"

"And I'm Nurse Bear." The pink bear finished.

"Bloody hell. First I saw zombies, and now I'm seeing bloody colorful bears. Somebody must have spiked my drink with lysergic acid diethyl." Seras said.

"Don't use such language, sweetie." Nurse Bear said. "We're the servants of the Wishing Star from Canada. We just happened to be patrolling Britain when Christy called us on her communicator."

Christy held out a pink heart-shaped device.

"That's great." Christy said. "I hurt my ankle."

"Oh dear. Let me have a look at it." Nurse Bear said.

The three of them went through the dark cemetery and went towards the church, where there might be a priest to help them.

"If you don't mind me asking, Danny." Seras asked "The vampire called you Demon Boy and the bears called you Dark Heart. Why is that?"

"Oh, you got me." Danny said dramatically. "It's a long and painful story. For many centuries, I was a powerful demon with a grudge against the Care Bears and Care Bear Cousins. For some reason, I don't quite remember why. One summer, I blackmailed Christy into acting as bait so I could catch the Care Bears and Cousins, in exchange for giving her the ability to beat the summer camp bully at sports."

"He deserved it." Christy said as she limped on her bound ankle with a crutch Nurse Bear provided from her tummy symbol.

"But Christy saved my life when I was drowning, and then I accidentally hit her with my Sith Lightning while fighting them. I was so overcome with guilt, that I surrendered and asked them to save my Christy with their magic." He kissed Christy on the cheek while she giggled.

"That's not very romantic." Seras said as the two lovers kissed on the lips "That's kinda creepy."

"Why did he call me Wolf Girl?" Christy thought "I'm not a werewolf."

They entered the church. There were lit candles and an open Bible. A smooth voice sounded from the shadows. "Welcome, my children. The church has always offered sanctuary, to those who are in distress."

The priest came out of the shadows.

"Yo, check out Count Chocula over there." Danny whispered in Tea Time Bear's ear.

"Wait." Seras said as everyone hid behind her "My mission is to deal with a priest."

"What do we have here. Two girls, a boy and two fluffy bears."

The priest extended his hand and pulled both Christy and Seras toward himself telekinetically. "I smell virgins."

"Let them go!" Danny and the bears shouted. Danny ran at him to punch him, only to be telekinetically thrown out the door.

The three of them were lying on the ground. The two furry characters were none worse for wear except for a few bruises, but Danny was covered in blood, with his limbs sticking in wrong directions.

Suddenly, he heard a voice in his head "Demon Boy…" It was the vampire from before. "Do you want your powers back?"

"Bugger off, vampire!" Danny thought telepathically.

"Hurry up. If you don't the priest will turn your girlfriend and Police Girl into ghouls. And since only virgins turn into full vampires, he'll have to take their virginities first."

Danny's eyes snapped open and he said out loud. "What do you have in mind?"

"I'm gonna give you your demon powers back, Demon Boy." Alucard said as he walked up to him.

"No, don't do it, Danny!" Nurse Bear pleaded "It's not the way."

"I promise you, you'll be exactly the same as you were now, only with powers. Tick tock, Demon Boy. The clock is ticking."

"I'm…ready." Danny groaned through the pain.

Alucard's arm turned into a hellhound and swallowed Danny. Then it spit out a red ball of light as the song began to play (based on this scene: google FLCL Canti and Naota Merge or watch?v=U39SOkkQoA4 1:53):

With the kids sing out the future  
Maybe, kids don't need the masters  
Just waiting for the little Busters

With the kids sing out the future  
Maybe, kids don't need the masters  
Just waiting for the little Busters

The red ball of light flew into the church, followed by Alucard.

Inside the church, the ball of red light turned into Danny or Dark Heart. "Hello Ladies and Gentlevamps. I thought I might make an encore performance since I was so awesome the first time. Right, Count Von Count?"

"Stop showing off, Demon Boy." Alucard said as he entered the church, with the priest still holding the two girls. "I wanted to say 'Here's Johnny!' but you ruined the moment."

"Kill them!" the vampire priest shouted, causing the police ghouls to pop out between the church pews and open fire on the two men in red, pumping Danny and Alucard full of bullets.

"No! Danny!" Christy shouted and began to snarl, fur and a tail growing on her. She managed to free herself from the vampire's grasp, and begin to tear through the ghouls with fang and claw. Meanwhile, Danny and Alucard began to reform from their puddles of blood and attack the enemy, Alucard with his gun, Danny with his Sith Lightning. Tea Time and Nurse Bear ran into the room and began to shoot ghouls with Care Bear Stares. It was horrible chaos everywhere.

When the ghouls were dead, Tea Time Bear turned to Alucard. Werewolf Christy jumped on Danny and Began to lick him. "Where's the priest, vampire?"

Then they saw Seras lying in a pile of ashes that used to be the priest. Danny's attack vaporized him. She was glowing red like Christy did when Dark Heart hit her with Sith Lightning back in the summer camp. Christy went up to her on all fours and whimpered.

"Oh no. Not again." Danny said "You hit me with a stray Care Bear Stare, causing me to lose aim, just like last time." He grabbed Tea Time Bear and shook him frantically "Don't you know it's like Archimedes jumping into his bathtub, only instead of Archimedes there's dense white magic, and instead of water there's dark energy!"

"I'm sorry." Both bears said.

"Can you resurrect her like you did last time?"

"We weren't born yet when that happened, and you need every Care Bear and Cousin in Care-a-Lot to do so, including True Heart and Noble Heart." Nurse Bear said.

"Out of my way, fur balls." Alucard said, kneeling in front of Seras' body.

"Can you help Miss Victoria?" Danny asked.

"I can, but there's only one way to save her. I must turn her into a vampire."

"Absolutely not!" both bears said. "Our friend is not going to kill people."

"My Master Sir Integra provides medical blood, you stupid fools." Alucard said. Now I just have to ask her telepathically if she wants to." Alucard stayed silent for a moment "She said yes. Now don't look while I turn her, if you're squeamish."

Alucard bit Seras' wrist and began to suck as much blood as possible. Then he bit his own wrist and placed it to Seras' mouth.

Alucard carried Seras in his arms covered in a blanket while a gorilla Danny carried an unconscious Christy-her werewolf transformation wore off and she reverted back to human. The two bears followed them.

"I silenced the target and reverting back to my default Cromwell Protocol level."

"It took you too long to silence just one target." Integra said, and looked at Seras "I'll have someone to look at her."

"No. I want to transfer all of them them to the Hellsing organization." Alucard said.

Then Integra noticed Danny, who turned back into a human, and the Care Bears. "You brought a demon shapeshifter and two pagan beasts who worship the Wishing Star, Alucard."

"Please, take us in." Danny pleaded.

"Whatever. Get in the vehicle." Integra said as she walked away.


End file.
